By John Jeremiah Sullivan for GQ
“Oh!” Swedien says, suddenly understanding. His voice drops to a whisper, “He’s unbelievable.”
He gives the most beautiful description. “Michael records in the dark,” he says, “and he’ll dance. And picture this: You’re looking through the glass. And it’s dark. With a little pin spot on him.” Swedien lifts his hand to suggest a narrow cone of light shining directly from overhead. “And you’ll see the mike here. And he’ll sing his lines. And then he disappears.”
In the outer dark he is dancing, fluttering.
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half heard on restaurant radios. A few days stay with us forever. We recall every detail. We
remember what people said and wore, what we ate and how it tasted, even the unimportant
thoughts that passed through our minds before things got serious.” —Evening’s Empire by Bill Flanagan
By BILL PENNINGTON
The New York Times
In a sonar search last year for the Loch Ness monster, scientists with a submersible device instead discovered more than 100,000 golf balls.
Who knew the Loch Ness monster even played golf?
I worked on a golf course for five summers, and frequently, I’d see guys with rudimentary reaching devices to scrape lost golf balls from the ponds and woods. One time, a group of men with diving gear and giant contraptions that looked like giant crab traps, scoured all of the lakes on the course, finding an embarrassing amount of balls, reminders to my dad and the other golfers of all their wayward drives.
- A: I'm dressed like a member of the LPGA tour. Oops. Where's my visor?
- L: polo and khakis?
- A: no, black dress bermudas
- and oxfords
- the oxfords are key in this LPGA ensemble
- L: hahaha
- A: I think I had an aneurysm while I was getting dressed
- L: hahaha
- and recovered once it was too late?
- A: exactly
- anyway, how are you? Who are you dressed like today?
- L: ashley olson?
- i am wearing a shirt she mass produced for walmart
- A: sweeeeet
- if you were really wanting to channel her, you'd need to work on your duck-lips pose, and also wear clothes that are 6x too big for you
- also, you need more hair than is humanly possible for a person your size
- if you were here
- L: yeah
- way to make me feel like i am not doing a good job at this, andrea
- i was SO her before
- now i'm going to be MK and go do some drugs
- A: OH NOOOOO
- L: it's too late
- A: I'm just trying to make others feel bad because I look like a lesbian
- L: i have a vial of crack in my ever-shrinking fist
- oh man
- A: Like you could even lift it to your nose
- cus, you're weak, see
- wait, do people snort crack?
- L: yeah. i'm a narc at heart.
- they snort it and they do the spoon thing.
- i don't really understand the spoon thing or what it does
- this is just what i've gathered from random episodes of the wire
- A: hmmm...yeah, what I know about drugs I learned from HBO or Intervention
- L: hahaha
- although the thing they make me put on my inhaler looks like a self-fashioned bong
- that's cool
- for an inhaler
- A: coooool
- I didn't know you had an inhaler
- or I forgot
- because I don't like to remember how nerdy my friends are
- get it, cus you have an inhaler?
- sorry, I'm tired and I don't have enough nickels to buy a soda